This is one of the questions I get asked more than any other question. “How Do I Build Self Confidence?” And many times other aspects or additives to that question include things like, “My peers are doing so much better.” Or ” People are always looking at me and it feels like they are laughing.” Or ” I just don’t have what it takes.”
So first off when considering confidence it’s a skill that can be built. Let’s start there. And much like any other skill we want to study it, research it, look at other people who are confident to see if we can get some insight into what they are doing that makes them appear or authentically behave in a confident manner.
So that’s the thing? Is it an act or are they actually confident?
Let’s Consider Why You Are Not Confident In The First Place
Where does your lack of confidence come from? Put this another way and we could ask – where does your lack of self worth come from?
Why do you feel insecure? So many ways we can phrase this or word this? As you are getting to know one of my biggest things in life is contemplation. It’s about getting really curious. Getting inquisitive with ourselves, our lives and the world around us. This is how we go deeper in life.
Now let’s think about all of the questions I’ve posed for a moment.
What is it about yourself that makes you feel insecure? Is it your appearance? Are you shy? Do you lack or fear social situations? Do you have anxiety around meeting new people? Is it your lack of knowledge or intellect in a certain area so you don’t feel smart at times?
You have to consider all of this stuff and then begin to answer the what’s and why’s?
And then we start coming to a resolution. As you know when there’s a problem we need a solution and that’s what we’re here to do. We are here to help you learn how to become more confident. We are here to help you figure out why you’re not confident and how you can start to become more confident and if we are really on to something you might even have a little glide in your stride when this is all said and done.
So if you feel like you’re not smart enough I’ve got a solution – you start learning and reading more and get smarter. Yes. You can!
Now if you feel like you have social anxiety – you start working on that through communication courses or practicing better communication skills with your closest allies even if it’s your mom or brother all of this work pays off and you can overcome that too.
Now if it’s your weight or your appearance you start working on that too.
Here’s some really great advice I was given by a boss at one of my first jobs many years ago – I came to him with a problem. He listened. He heard me out and he was absolutely clear on my problem. I continued focusing on the problem even after we had already got it out there and addressed the problem. He looked me and said, “Ok great. So we know what the problem is. We are totally clear on the problem. Now let’s focus on the solution.”
So me sharing this is for you to not spent time woe-ing in your sorrow or living in a state of victimhood over the fact that you have insecurities. We all do. And there is no power in dwelling on the obvious. The power is in finding the way out.
So here goes.
Start Doing All Or Some Of These 9 Things To Build Greater Self Confidence
- Read – start by reading and learning from the sages before us. There is so much knowledge and wisdom left for us to do better and improve ourselves. Start here. And the more learned you are the more attractive which is always a huge confidence boost! Checkout the bookshop for some of my favorite classics, non-fiction and self help
- Ask Questions – Become More Inquisitive. Inquire. Don’t just settle for the first answer. Ask why, how, what, when, etc…The more curious you become about life and those around you the more appealing you are. And this will be another big boost for your self esteem. Download the Ultimate Self Inquisition Guide for help with getting more contemplative.
- Don’t Compare Yourself – You are your own magically beautiful and unique creation. You are running your own race. And there is absolutely no one remotely like you. You have your own unique thoughts, feelings and opinions. You have your own personal style and your own vibration and you need to own that because that’s what makes you awesome. Run your own race. Don’t compare where you are to where you need to go in relation to other people’s accomplishments or acquisitions. You do you and the more you lean into working on you and feeling confident with your own uniqueness the more confident others will see you. You will excuse self confidence all the way.
- Get Into Nature – Nature is one of the most powerful things we can do for our mind, body and soul. Get into rhythmic alignment with nature. Everything is in total harmony. Nature is the perfect element to help you balance your own sense of who you and feel more grounded and centered. Be in total presence when you step in to nature and you will start gaining deeper clarity around your own hangups and issues and all those things that keep you from feeling like a million bucks and all of those things that deprive you of self worth. Watch my short video on Forest Bathing here
- Learn Better Communication Skills – Start Having Deeper Conversation. Mindful communication is one of the most powerful things you can do to empower yourself to show up powerfully for all of those in your world. When you take the time to listen from the heart and start going deeper with yourself you’ll feel so much better about yourself. Watch my free Mindful Communication Training. It’s jam packed with actionable tips and insights you can start applying right now. Or watch this short video here with my breakdown
- Work On your Body – Now this doesn’t mean you need to bench press a hundred pounds, but what it does mean is your body is aa temple and you should honor it and move. Get the blood flowing and oxygen flowing, get the chi flowing. Now if you want to work out rigorously and get into the best shape of your life that will certainly be a massive confidence booster. It certainly won’t hurt your confidence. But just move. Do something. Keep yourself mobile and agile and this will definitely help you get around with greater poise and self assurance. Qigong is something I do every day. I do this every day. It’s approximately 12 minutes, but I fast forward his intro and outro and get it down to under 10 minutes flat. Qigong offers greater benefits over time so you’ll see more benefit after week 2 and 3 and month 6 if you catch my drift.
- Eat Right – Eating right is a critical component to self worth and honoring yourself to be the best version of you. Many times we are eating foods that are not healthy, make us feel sluggish and might even be causing some long term issues further down the road. Taking care of yourself by being mindful with what you are putting in your body is a critical component to aging gracefully and your overall health and wellness.
- Sit In Silence – silence is the key to contentment. And the most confident people generally seemingly are very content. Learn to go deeper within and become more inquisitive about life. This will help you with accepting and having greater understanding and awareness around the hard aspects of life rather then reverting to a state of victimhood. Check out the mindfulness page for links to mindfulness conversations on the podcast, guided meditations by me and other resources
- Try New Things – And last, but not least get out there and explore. Try new things. Meet new people. The more interests you have the more interesting you become. People are drawn to people who are open to all that is out there on offer and on display. Don’t live in a little bubble of helplessness, but rather get out there and learn, grow and evolve so you can do better, be better and be more confident!
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