So part of my mission, or a majority of it, let’s just say is to be helpful. To provide answers and real solutions to the things that keep you stuck. And this is one of the questions I get asked more than almost any other.
How do I stop thinking about someone? Why can’t I stop thinking about someone? What does it even mean when I cannot get someone out of my head?
I have been there, done that, precisely in this scenario. And here is what I have learned.
As Human Beings We Need Things To Mean Something
We are wired that way. We feel that if we cannot stop thinking about someone it must mean something extraordinary. It must mean they are the one. It must mean we are meant to be together.
But here is what I want you to sit with for a moment. Extraordinary does not necessarily mean meant to be. It does not mean this person is your soulmate or that you belong together.
I spent years feeling deeply connected to someone who turned out to have zero regard for me. Because of the intensity of that connection I kept wanting it to be something more than what it actually was. He was unable to leave me alone for over a decade. He could not show up powerfully or respect me in any meaningful way, but because of the intensity of our connection we stayed tethered to each other in this strange and inexplicable way.
What I finally understood is this. Sometimes in life we can have a profound connection with someone and that is simply the extent of it. It is someone we feel something deeply for but it does not mean we belong together or that they are the one.
What Finally Helped Me Let Go
I found peace when I accepted the connection for exactly what it was. Someone I had deep intensity with that did not need to mean or amount to anything more than that.
I accepted that it was okay to have things left unsaid. To feel something so intensely for someone without it needing to mean a single thing. That acceptance was hard. But it was the most liberating thing I have ever done for myself.
One of my theories on this is that some things in life simply have no explanation. As an energy worker and meditation practitioner I do my best to always be measured and thoughtful in my approach and this is my honest answer: sometimes a connection is just a connection. And letting it be that, without needing it to be more, is how you finally find your way through.
Watch My Video On This
Because I felt this question deserved a truly substantive response I answered it on camera. You can watch it here:
When I Can’t Stop Thinking Of Someone Are They Thinking Of Me Too
This video has resonated with a lot of people and I think it will help you too.
If You Are Feeling Stuck These Resources Can Help
For 14 specific practical things you can do right now to stop thinking about someone check out this post: 14 Things To Stop Thinking About Someone Once And For All.
For support with the emotional detachment process read this: How To Detach From Someone: Finding Emotional Freedom.
For deeper inner work on why you hold on and how to let go, grab my free Ultimate Self-Inquisition Guide. It is a 28-page contemplative workbook designed to help you get clear, get unstuck, and reconnect with your own inner wisdom.
And if you need professional support BetterHelp offers online therapy sessions with licensed therapists at an affordable price point. As someone who is a huge proponent of mental wellness I am proud to be sponsored by them. If you do not connect with your first therapist you can switch anytime at no charge.
For more insights check out these posts from the blog:
The Mindful Breakup: 2 Musts After A Breakup
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Dr. Leslie Dobson
You are not alone in this. And you will find your way through it. The connection was real. It just does not have to define you or hold you anymore.
If You’re Feeling Stuck Consider Getting Help
If you’re interested in learning more about online therapy, I recommend checking out BetterHelp. They offer online therapy sessions with licensed therapists at an affordable price point.
As you know I’m a huge proponent of mental wellness and ensuring we all get the help we need when we need it. And of course, I don’t want you just to get any help I want you to get the right help so I am now sponsored by BetterHelp.
BetterHelp is the world’s largest therapy service, and it’s 100% online.
BetterHelp offers a network of over 25,000 licensed and experienced therapists who can help you with a wide range of issues.
Just click on the link below, answer a few questions and get matched with a therapist from the network.
One of the most amazing features of BetterHelp, if you don’t jive with your therapist you can switch to a new one that’s a better fit for you any time free of charge.
With BetterHelp, you get the same professionalism and quality you expect from in-office therapy, but with a therapist who is custom-picked for you, more scheduling flexibility, and at a more affordable price.
And checkout some of these other insights and tips from the blog –
