The sun will indeed shine. Through the depths of my sorrow I still see the light. Through the chaos of pain the sun still shines bright. No matter the challenge, no matter the despair we are funneled out the other end. Life even more mysterious than I had first grasped during my younger complications. Even after so many revelations the mystery of life ever more profound.
I thought with time the answers to life’s deepest questions would magically appear or perhaps other experiences would lead to a greater understanding. The answers would offer up solutions. The regrets would fall by the wayside. The sorrows would fade into the distance. The hurtful memories would wash away into the blissful backdrop of my youth.
Nevertheless, the years of self-inquiry surely insist the painful ones that linger are indeed for my own betterment. The challenges have always allowed immense opportunity for contemplation.
Through the understanding I’d transcend. Transcend, I have, but not to the pinnacle I’d imagined. I remind myself of my mature and evolved youth like optimism. Time is still with me. I have time so I keep hopeful.
I thought through my years in silence and contemplation I’d be liberated from the unanswered questions that haunt me still. It’s nothing like I’d imagined and thought it would be. The outcome nothing like the dreams I’d elaborated in my mind’s eye. The colorful wonderment of life still yearning to be born, re-born, re-invigorated, re-awakened.
I always believed my own reasoning would inevitably explain the inexplicable. The why’s would be gone and the how’s would allow anticipation and hope for newness. It’s nothing like this.
And with all of the inexplicable comes my surrendering. My surrendering to the unknown is my greatest comfort these days.
Without expending too much energy on the sorrowful aspects of my being, my existence, my experience
I let go and open myself up to the abundance of the universe. I no longer need a reason or a definitive explanation for what was and no longer is. I don’t need a why.
In my surrender I give myself strength. Through the letting go I’m offered hope and propelled forward by the infinite power of faith.
In letting go of the pain I free myself to live more powerfully towards possibility and more fully with total awesomeness.
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