If you want to ensure a mindful breakup then there are 2 musts after every breakup. It’s not easy, but these 2 things will help you along in your progress after even the hardest parting of ways.
Yes. Breaking up is hard to do so let’s acknowledge that and not minimize or diminish a broken heart that will need a considerable amount of tending to. But in this same bent I’ll give you a month to be mopey which is kind of extensive. I’m talking super mopey, like not wanting to do a thing or see anyone and just lay around and feel sorry for yourself, but when that month is up and hopefully is far less than a month, a week or two then you get to tending to that broken heart in the most powerful way possible.
So mindfulness teaches us to bring awareness to each and every exchange and each and every experience.
And how do we do this?
We do it by being fully present in the beginning with the pain of the parting. Sure be with it. Woe in it deeply for a day or two and then come out of that and be with that.
And what that looks like is beginning with these two powerful steps so you can move on empowered after the breakup.
Step #1 After A Breakup
Ok so you’ve spent a few days with your head under your covers and your empty box of Bon Bons next to your empty box of tissues on the floor next to your bed.
Your creak your head out and open your eyes to see the sun peeking through the semi iridescent shades in your room.
And you sit up and decide today is the day you will accept and move powerfully in to your future.
Great job. This is a first huge step and along with this total acceptance of this relationship being over – I want you to star by processing and getting contemplative with the lesson. What? Lesson?
Yep. Lesson.
I want you to re-examine and re-evaluate, not for the sake of brining up old wounds and re-invigorating the victim within, but to re-evaluate what happen? The breakdown? What happen and what role did you play in it?
Even if this person was a total narcissist and treating you like garbage you played a roll. And that roll is called – enabler.
And now this here is not to make you wrong or play the blame and shame game with you and mess with your heart even more, but it’s to bring that awareness to you so you can learn and evolve.
Meaning I don’t want you dating any more narcissists in the future. And the only way that can happen is if you truly go deep with yourself and consider what and why?
Why did you allow it?
And as we know there are myriad of possibilities and scenarios so what happened. What was the lesson in this relationship? Were you finger pointing? Were you blaming a lot and not owning your own stuff? Are you in remorse cause you treated this person poorly? Did you ignore a bunch of red flags, like an army of them?
Many times this is very much the case after a breakup. We look back and see how we ignored a lot of red flags that were screaming at our gut and intuition, but we just played dead cause my gosh he was so good looking and so sexy and, “what red flags?” But now we can see them as clear as day. They are so red they’re pink or purple. They crossed their own spectrum they’re that red.
So again – whatever you’re scenario is – I want you to consider why you did what you did and how you can and WILL do better next time.
Step #2 – The Second Best Thing To Do After A Breakup
So now that you have spent time considering what went wrong? You’re roll in it and how you will do better next time – now it’s time to get to you.
No more wasting time on them. No more tears and time needed. Sure it’s perfectly fine and even healthy to have a moment, MOMENT, so that’s like a nano-second or a nano-minute reflecting every blue moon, but now it’s on to you love.
It’s your time now.
What does that mean exactly? That means you get to start working on you.
The second most powerful thing you need to be doing after a breakup is focusing on you. Working on you. You are here to be your most awesome you and it’s time to get to it.
Embrace singlehood. Be vibrant in your own light. You were not put on this earth for anyone else, but you. If you find someone awesome, but if not that’s ok too. It’s ok to be alone. Learn to love yourself so you can shine your own inner light.
For more help with this check out my video – Do This After A Break Up
Now that I’ve laid out the two most powerful things you can do after a breakup – consider reading some of my previous posts that I think will help you as well, like one of my favorites –
- The Greatest Advice I Was Ever Given
- Three Self Love Exercises
- Mindfulness And Well Being
- Wakefulness With Katherine Jansen-Byrkit
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