MEETING ANGER POWERFULLY
Anger is one of those things that can really throw us off. It can end up being hurtful, resentful and at times even hateful. None of us truly wants to lose our cool and blow our top, but hey it happens.
Life happens. People piss us off and we may get really reactive really quickly – you know that whole – zero to a hundred in sixty seconds thing.
I had the pleasure of speaking to facilitator Marty Wolner on his Anger Toolbox podcast. We had an insightful conversation about managing anger, tips and tricks. Listen to our conversation by clicking the link below.
Sue Dhillon On Marty’s Anger Toolbox Podcast. We are talking about healthy ways to deal with anger and the power of mindfulness when it comes to anger.
DEALING WITH ANGER IS POSSIBLE
Marty wanted to me to dip into my toolbox to see what tools I rely on when it comes to anger. I share very explicitly ways to manage anger powerfully.
I hear a lot of complaints from people about their struggles with conflict. There is someone in their world who is really difficult, even combative and it’s an ongoing struggle and challenge to deal with this person.
It seems as if they were born to fight and the conflict looms unendingly for years. Many times we are left hurt, distraught, and heartbroken. We even take measures like cutting people off so we could potentially be estranged from a loved one indefinitely all because someone lost their temper.
It’s never people’s sincere intent to harm and hurt and many times this person who crushed you with their screaming and angry verbiage very likely feels horrible, but doesn’t have the means to make amends.
That’s where you as a person who is interested in soul growth, learning, evolving , doing better and of course you are committed and want to at all times Blossom Your Awesome – well then you can be the bigger person and reach into your toolbox with some powerful go-tos and make it right.
You don’t have to keep up the fight. You can let it go. Let is subside with the incredible potentially of deepening the bond. Yes!
“When you think you’re about to lose your shit take a moment and just breathe.”Sue Dhillon
ANGER IS PAIN – DON’T ENGAGE IT
You are never really ready for someone to go off the hinges. However when you practice mindfulness your reaction is far more measured than without.
I for one as a meditation practitioner don’t need to raise my voice or scream. I don’t need to react immediately, but instead like to lean back and observe. It takes practice to get to this point, but it’s a powerful place to arrive.
Once the antagonist knows you are not engaging they are essentially rendered defenseless.
Yes it is absolutely possible to resolve conflict and end conflict once and for all with a difficult person.
A person can only scream at you for so long if you do not react. They will end up giving up. It’s inevitable.
That energy is looking for like energy. It wants to be fed and lead and screamed at and affirmed. However when you see it as a negative means to communication you reach in your toolbox for more powerful ways to deal with someone who is enraged and angry.
Remember anger is pain externalizing itself so always meet it with compassion.
MY MOST POWERFUL TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANGER
- Just Listen First – just let them speak and tell you exactly what they are mad about first and foremost.
- Listen at length – this takes practice and extreme patience, even skill if the person is screaming or shouting profanities at you and combative, but you can do it. I promise.
- Have compassion for their pain – anger is pain – always remember this person is hurting. Happy people don’t scream at people or say and do mean things.
- Be an empathetic listener – listen with your heart not your ears. When you begin to see the difference you will feel less defensive because your listening will be accompanied by sympathy.
- Say this – tell them in your own words you love them and you care for them and you are sorry if you said or did something to hurt them and you do not want them to be upset. Tell them you’d like to find a powerful way to get over this hurt.
- Ask them – “Are you open to us finding a powerful way to overcome this. I don’t want you to make me wrong and I don’t want to make you wrong.”
For more tips and insights on powerful ways to communicate and connect check out my video on Mindful Communication below.